Listening to: Number one.

it's the 31st OCTOBER . and it's going to be a month of NOVEMBER the following day.
i'm looking forward to it.

1. less than 24hrs to our 11th.
2. 7 more days to pay day.
3. 11 more days to home sweet home.
4. looking forward to 1oth NOV.

I LOVE NOVEMBER? :)

i was suppose to post 2 headline today but i forgot what is it about. silly me. ohh, nvm.
i'm proud of myself that i survived throughout this 2 weeks. *applause.
i'm going to get myself a Baby-G watch and G-shock watch for him. ^_^
i'll be working 4 to 2am tmr. shit!
goodbye fuckers.

*only thing in my mind, i love you.

Listening to : Stereo Flow

i miss going out with you.
i miss sleeping on your arms.
i miss watching movie with you.
i miss playing the arcade when we have nothing else better to do.
i miss eating supper with you @ Mac.
i miss visiting to your awesome house.
i miss getting a nag from you when i'm being stubborn.
i miss messaging you 24/7.
i miss going out with you and went home @ 3am.
i miss quarrelling with you even it's a small matter.
most of all, I MISS YOU. :(

NOW,
i msg you 24/7 without you replying.
i call you listening to the engage tone.
i get to wish you for our anniversary in msg but not looking at you in person and say it.
i dream of you but didn't get a chance to touch or feel you.
i see your pictures with me but not getting to meet you in person.
most of all, I NEED YOU. :(

3 more days & 13 more days.

* i'm yearning for you.

Listening to: i don't love you MCR

it's going to be the Tuesday when i post this post of mine.

1 week 1 day have past. and i'm only left with 2 weeks and 2 days. isn't that long?
but i BELIEVE in myself that i'll be patient.
i can do it! maybe i shall and will look forward to my pay day instead of that day. hee. cause that will be goooooooooooodddddddddddddd... :)
i've plan what to buy and with who. awesome!
i have my review just now and it went well ! i like!
everything is going smoothly, amin.
tomorrow is my RDO, i need to SLEEP WELL. and i need to RECOVER.

i love you & i miss you dear.

*words of wisdom always work on me.

Listening to: Falling For You

i'm rather piss off with the people at work. they throw tantrums. i don't like it. i rather they ignore people then scold someone who didn't do anything wrong. i hate the working environment. angry.
should i even think of work even when when i'm off duty?

Yesterday i met BF,she's not alright . but i hope that it does make a difference when i'm there. even if it's just a 1% cheer up.
i love you. don't you ever hurt yourself again.
i got a news from her about him. that, brought me to tears after listening what she have to say.
it's a sudden i felt what he felt. he still suck it in and trying his best to go on with it.
i admit, i am in the wrong. i'm sorry, i mean it.
this is what he will get soon, Happiness from me. that's a real promise that i've made.
you sacrifice alot for me. alot. without me knowing it at all. sorry, again. :(
i'll never leave you by your side again. i will change for the better of me and you.
i will put away my ego and my stubborness towards you.

* it won't end as a goodbye ,
  instead, forever and always.

Listening to: you belong with me

i do bloghop, every single time when i go online. i love to see how people live in their world. it's totally different from everyone. interesting i must say. strangers to friends too.

we communicate through the net, awesome!
i'm tired of working but i work because of $$. no one supports me now. sad.
i'm having my off day, yeah! but i need to go to my workplace .

my say to define the word LOVE.

Love have all kinds.
Love is blind and tends to ignore oneself flaws and accept it even though it's not perfect for you.
Love is about  give and take.
Love always brings ones' relationship closer after a quarrel.
Love is when it makes your heart skip a beat everytime you're with the one.
Love is what makes you think you want to have it for the rest of your life.
Love is what breaks ones' heart.
Love is something that you will learn every single time you fall out of it.
Love is what i call fate.
Love makes you want to cry your heart out.
Love is what makes your world seem perfect.
Love is when you know that one person is going to make your life miserable and still you are stubborn enough not to let it go.
Love is what makes your ego grow bigger.
etc. . .

THAT'S THE LOVE, FROM ME.

here's something that i am in right now,

A part of me wants to leave you alone
A part of me wants for you to come home.
A part of me says I'm living a lie.
And I'm better off without you.

A part of me says to think it through.
A part of me says I'm over you.
A part of me wants to say goodbye.
A part of me is asking why.
A part of me wants to leave.
But a part of me wants to be here with you.
And everytime I think we're over and done you do something to get me back loving you.
And you got me just torn.
Torn in between the two.
Cuz I really wanna be with you.
But something's telling me I should leave you alone

There were no issues when we started out.
It was cool.
It was everything that love's about.
But something happened.
Plus I'm feeling so burnt out.

Cuz I can't understand you now.
A part of me says it's all my fault.
A part of me says he ain't what you want.
A part of me says to get my bags.
A part of me says I can't do that.

So many times I was ready to go
So many times I Had my foot out the door
So many times I thought to give him a chance, thought he'd be a better man
Now I'm sitting here and I'm so confused.
Cuz I keep fighting myself for you.
I don't know how much more I can take but I can't feel this way
You got me so torn

Listening to : Number One

last post = not enough time and type shit stuff. haha!

i was half done with my next post but my lappy shut off by itself when Sya text me. shits.
and here i am, typing, a different thing.

it's at 2am , in other country? hmm. . . . i'll search it. but how eh?
my mind is at peace now cause the moment of problems is gone. it came. yeay! :)
i recover mentally but not physically cause i'm right now coughing knnbccb. sad. i got the sicknesss from someone. and i know the cough won't go away , it's been a week already. get well soon ME.

2nd day, why am i counting, it will just make it worse right? but i couldn't help it but count. damn.
it will pass fast. I HOPE. i'm occupying myself with work, almost my whole fucking week. minus 2 days off.
everything will be safe same goes for the return. i know you guys have absolute no idea what i'm hinting about but you will know soon enough.
for my previous post, F_______ does not stands for Fuck okay. it stands for F_______.
and that's why i say that's what keep me wanting to continue in this.
i know i will be treated well in time to come but it won't be so soon. the time will  come. i have hope.

news flash: i heard that the working hours for Somerset 313 is from 11 to 11. and i was like , WTF.

today's plan:
wake up, bath.
go out, Yew Tee.
after that, Meet Sya.
then, Go HOME.
tmr, WORK.

hahahahahaha, i got no life laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.shits. i want to go to school.

* i know you'll be safe, amin. ( i know it's in ENGLISH! )
a prayer from me to you.  take care.

Labels: i love you

occupied with work and  friends.
i'll will survive till the day it come to an end.
F_____ makes me believe in this.
that's how i'm going to make things good.

* it always feels awful.

Listening to: pretty gal

PEOPLE,
               i've been observing people in the stores for the past 10 months. and i felt that they are somehow cruel or maybe they didn't know what they do hurt oneself emotion.
things that they usually do, saw the item, don't like it , leave it just like that.
at the cashier, threw the money literally & i know as for me, it's rude. i'm sure if you work , you won't want people to throw ur change on the table and not giving it on your hand right?
at the fitting room, people tried it on, you don't like it, you leave it in the FR itself with all the hangers. the least that they can do is, hand it back and give it to the person who takes care of the FR right?
I THINK THAT THIS ALL BASIC COURTESY. =)
if you are this category, please stop doing it.  thank you. much appreciate.

THOUGHTS,
                     

Can’t count on you most of all when I really need it
It’s the simple things that you do really hurt my feelings
The more I try, the more I’m starting to see it
This can’t work anymore, than you believe it
Goodbye may come as a shock
Even though I love you a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe
Add how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
Add how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
I just don’t know what the problem is, what the deal is
Was I there too much, did I move too fast, I couldn’t see it?
All these promises are probably how you deal with it
I’m tired of hearing you say your innocent
Don’t think I forgot
Because I really didn’t, who cares if you’re lieing or not
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe
We all make mistakes
Sometimes we do desperate things
What does it prove? NOTHING
And you never do nothing wrong
Then what took you so long, took you so long
Cuz I keep, keep hanging on, keep, keep hanging on

* and it's all because of you.

Listening to: Party in USA

i have lots to say & i don't know where to start and how to end it.
i can say that alot of things happen wiithin this week.

1st :
       i just had an outing at Sentosa. accompanied by Syahidah, Bebecca & Shao hui. we did, Pictionary, Scrabble & Taiti. Syah and i went for swimming but more to stay in the water and got hit by the WAVE. oh yes, Painful lah! headed to Vivo City , didnt buy anything cause i have to think twice. haha! damn.
went home, Mummy knows about my dirty lil' secret . Sort of but i'm not going to do it anymore. hee.  Syah! we can do it! shhh. =)

2nd :
        about my pay, now left 3 digits already and it's sad. and it's only the 12th of OCTOBER. wtf. cannot survive lah me. i need some extra $$$ to survive till the end. that's all about this.

3rd :
        actually i've deleted my blog and decided to make it alive one more time cause i can't bottle up all the problems to myelf and i rather let it out here. tagboard? i don't think so. music? can consider. pictures? NO. people do read my blog . :) and, that's about it.

4th :
        Boyfriend's going to Australia in this Sunday, 18 october. i don't know what to react about this matter but i did, last night and that's the reason why i'm now blogging here. i felt that there's a need to write down here cause i don't know how to let it out to my close ones. yesterday it triggered me that Bf is really going away for the whole month and got me thinking, ' why does it feel so wrong? ' 'what i should do?' 'will history repeat itself again?' . all this Ws came. maybe i'm just confused. i have my own reason for what i did.and it's because i care about us. we're always on the rocky road which i myself hate it. giving stress and all , work stress. what more can i handle? i can't, anymore. i keep losing a strand of hairs every single day and it concerns me. it really does and i'm serious about this. i don't want to have a break down in the middle of somewhere cause i know it sucks. i really think that Bf stress level doesn't compare to me.  we have different responsibility and i can't handle two in one problem. it's hard and it's giving me tough time here. i use to be stress free but now it's all over. i have to think about every single thing . i have to be an independent 18 year old girl. 18? handle all this shit , HAVE NO LIFE. :'( i wish i can live in a fairytale world . reality treat me like shit. i hate it. i know i'm being an emotional person, i admit. i am in that category now. help me , please.

5th:
      the person i am today is all the person/experience that taught me in the last 18 years i'm living. i've gone through alot even though i'm only a teenager.i'm still a teen. teen=freedom. as for me, not at all. i have issues to deal with. i hate being me. i'm not studying and already have a full time job. i rather study than work cause you only have to use ur brain and not physically. it's mentally. i want to go to school. relationship, i suck. that's the only word that describe me in that topic. i had my ego and of cause i don't admit it. i'm stubborn. i'm always in the win-win situation. i don't listen to what people advice me. i can be cruel at times cause someone so heartless taught me that. left without a word have make me weak and stronger after that. getting cheated and make me like a fool have make me to be as heartless as that someone i once knew. and karma had already punished him. making me suffer in a ward just because of him have taught me not to trust every single one of their kind. i've prove myself to be someone strong in the outside but not inside. i'm weak when it comes to this and i'm only good to put on a show till the curtain close. i've given my best but in the end , there's always a regret written in me. always do.

i'm ending here.

*i feel disgusted for myself : (